The four stages of learning is a classic model used in training. I used it for years in teaching coaching skills but it applies nicely to learning any new skill including learning how to communicate and lead more effectively.
We start in unconscious incompetence – we don’t know what we don’t know and this generally feels good (or at least not bad)
We move to conscious incompetence – where we start to realize what we don’t know and this is where we start to feel uncomfortable.
We progress to conscious competence – where we start to use the skills we’re learning, but are not comfortable with them yet. This can be a time full of uncertainty.
We finally progress to unconscious competence where we easily and smoothly put our new skills into practice and feel confident.
Like anything in life though, it’s not usually a simple straight line to what we want. We might bounce between the different stages and emotions, get stuck or move backwards before we move forwards.
This also applies to learning how your internal way of being impacts your ability to communicate and interact with others. Learning about yourself is and what is going on for you in any given moment is vital to becoming a more confident, competent communicator.
You may be unaware of your internal way of being, but it does impact you in every moment. Your thoughts, emotions, values and beliefs may get jumbled up and make it hard to see how they drive the way you behave.
But if you do want to make changes to how you communicate (and my client’s generally do) then this awareness of what’s going on for yourself on the inside is vital– because being able to make sustained and effective changes to the way you communicate is directly connected to the changes you make to your inner way of being.
As you start to learn about what’s going on for you on a deeper level, it can get uncomfortable, you may realize that certain ways of thinking, or beliefs you have held onto for a long time are no longer serving you. For many of my clients this can be liberating as well as uncomfortable.
As you progress and deepen your own self-awareness around your way of being you can start to move from uncertainty to ease. You will begin to see how you can have control over your way of being and the choices you can make.
It takes time to put new learning into practice and feel competent and confident using it on a regular basis. But with practice you can become more skillful at noticing how you are in yourself and how that impacts the way you communicate and interact with others.
You can move towards unconscious competence.
“Carole helped me to see what communication styles and approaches I gravitate towards — and those which I tend to avoid! This allowed me to really unpack these tendencies and probe where I needed to stretch myself beyond my comfort zone.”
Catherine Dannaoui – Executive Director at HandsOn Hong Kong
I help my clients become confident, competent communicators through deepening their awareness around their own way of being so they can take practical steps to towards change.
