Acceptance is often a first step towards change. If you are not accepting what is, you can’t work on changing it. It may be accepting a situation, or accepting something about yourself and your own behaviour.
I’ve had a lesson in acceptance myself recently.
I had always been a runner, I ran to destress, to energize, to calm down. I ran for fun! I loved it. My knees then decided that my running days were over. I didn’t listen to my body at first. I kept running. Afterall, I was a runner.
I pushed through, learned to live with some pain, tried exercises, tried icing, tried rest in between runs. I wasn’t going to give in easily. And then I realized, maybe it wasn’t about ‘pushing through’ vs ‘giving in’. Maybe it was about accepting. Accepting is not the same as giving in. Accepting is accepting reality for what it is – and finding ways to move forward despite that.
Once I accepted that I was no longer a runner and decided to work with what was real, I was able to be something else. You see, I couldn’t be something else whilst I was still a runner in my mind (even if my body was telling me something else). Accepting opened up my world to being able to experiment with other things – swimming, cycling and paddling. I’m not sure where it’s taking me, but, I do know it feels better than fighting to continue something that is no longer serving me.
In working with my clients to help them become better leaders and communicators, we often uncover realities that can be uncomfortable. It might be a situation they don’t want to be in, a change that is happening, the way someone is behaving towards them, or the way they are behaving themselves. These things can all be hard to accept, yet not accepting can lead to a feeling of resentment.
Resentment is a tricky mood, you often don’t know you’re in it, yet it sits under the surface, impacting the very way you interact with and lead others. It shows up in every decision you make, every action you take (even if you’re not consciously aware of it)
I’ve coached leaders who have realised they are no longer enjoying a job they once did, have people on their team who are not performing, don’t delegate, don’t feel supported in the company or get passed over for promotion (again) because of something about their own behaviour.
“Carole helped me gain many new insights about myself and which in turn helped me to increase my self -awareness and understanding of my own needs, which will be helpful for me for the rest of my life. She really helped me to understand myself and I am now much clearer about what I need to do and how to do it to live a life that I am happy with. I am now taking charge of my own life and deciding my own future.”
Andreas Johannesson, Managing Director, Ikea Components , Shenzen, China
These things can be hard to accept, yet once they are truly accepted, not accepting that things have to stay the way they are, but accepting the reality that is, the change process can begin. The reality may not be nice, it may not be what you want, but working from a place of acceptance is very different from working from a place of resentment. It brings different perspectives, opens up possibilities and will allow you to move forward in new ways.
Questions you can ask yourself to begin the move from resentment to acceptance.
- What am I not accepting about this situation/person/decision?
- What am I fighting to keep that may no longer be serving me?
- What difference would it make if I accepted reality for what it is?
- How would this impact my decisions and actions I take?
Why not give it a try? Reflecting on these questions just might be your first step towards making change.
